Children seem to get restless, many times angry, when they hear a ‘NO’ from their parents. Many times we also sense parents getting angry, may be restless too, when they hear the same word. Regardless of the word coming from their own children, boss or a responsible adult, it always creates a steer in the hearts of people triggering a deep emotional whirlpool.

What happens when we hear the word ‘NO’, 

The word ‘No’ brings back memories, feelings from our childhood and thoughts that are associated with being either punitive, in control or over powering. 

No one enjoys being told a “No”. The word ‘No’ is frequently associated with threatening messages from our own childhood and the thoughts of not being heard or validated. It evokes memories of a stern, harsh, punitive parent or an adult topped with a feeling of helplessness.  Inspite of us disliking or disapproving the word, we tend to use it in the same manner to our children million times in a day regardless of how this may feel for them. The word ‘No’ is at times replaced with a ‘DON’T”.  

One never seems to grow out of it. Every time we hear a No, we emotionally react in the same way we reacted when we were a child. We want to scream, shout, punch the pillow, punch the fellow, back bite ( which is the adult version of getting back) or slam the door, unconscious about the deep – rooted emotional inheritance.

If we, as adults, are still uncomfortable in hearing a No, how can we be comfortable in executing a No and expect children to accept it willingly? As parents, we are unaware of the energy ( behind the word) emerging from our own past experiences and transmitting it to our children in as is. Children grow up to be defiant and unruly, not accepting the present or in denial of their feelings when they hit pre – adolescent. 

For our children to accept a No with dignity and respect, its imperative for us to be comfortable with it in the first place. We may need to invite ourselves to think and dive into our state of knowing and be aware of the feelings associated with it. Especially when it comes from our own children. Are we saying a No, from a conscious state of mind, in response to a child’s behaviour or it is a expression of our own issues? Am I listening to the voice of my own EGO that’s creating the painful response?  

Lack of awareness to the roots of our own pain, may result in children manipulating and pushing us. 

At times, we may need to pause, accept and sit with our own feelings & pain that get evoked every time your child says a ‘No’.   In learning to cope with our own No’s, we may need time and space to find our own soothing mechanisms. 

When our children sense and observe how we match our words, their vibrations with actions, they associate the three. Action is most effective when its neither punitive nor tyrannical but consistent, firm & loving.  We need to grow ourselves to metabolize a ‘No’ without any emotional residual or past connections. 

A ‘NO’ can find a creative space, helping a child to think & look for solutions, only when it’s being said and taken in an neutral, As is, space. If our children, can’t have what they want right now, there is surely a way for them to get something that is far more beneficial or important. An important life lesson that the 2 letter word teaches, provided we know and receive it in the same way.