The Warrior’s Question
A noble warrior went to the Zen temple seeking peace. Upon finding the master in calm meditation, the warrior was overcome with sadness. Though he knew he had fought bravely and justly his entire life, he feared that he would never possess the grace of the man before him.
“Why do I feel so inferior?” asked the warrior. “I know I have fought with honor, defended the weak, and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Yet seeing you just now, I felt my life had no significance whatsoever.”
“Wait a while,” said the master, smiling. “I will speak with you after I attend to the other visitors.”
The warrior sat beneath a garden tree as visitors streamed through the temple, each one leaving the gentle master with expressions of warmth in their faces. The warrior grew even sadder.
As night fell and the visitors dwindled, the warrior became distressed and asked the master, “Can you teach me now?”
The master nodded and they walked to the rear study, where the moon shone through a giant window, washing everything in pale white light.
“Do you see the moon, how beautiful it is?” said the master. “It will cross the sky, and make way for the sun. The sun is much brighter, and stronger, and can illuminate clouds and mountains and trees in ways that the moon cannot. Yet… I have never heard the moon complain ‘Why don’t I shine like the sun, is it because I am inferior?’”
“Of course not,” said the warrior. “The sun and the moon are different, each has its own beauty. You cannot compare the two.”
“So you know your answer. We are two different people, each fighting in his own way for that which he believes, and making it possible to make the world a better place; the rest are mere appearances.”
When we’re feeling inferior, it’s usually a result of comparing ourselves to other people and feeling like we don’t measure up. And let’s be real, it happens all the damn time. Just open your Instagram feed, and notice your thoughts. We are living in a culture where comparison is a means to sell, connect, fame and much more.
What does it mean to feel inferior? Especially for our kids?
Well, Dictionary.com has a few definitions. The one that relates closest to feeling inferior includes: “adj. less important, valuable, or worthy.” We really don’t need any reason to feel inferior. It’s in the air we breathe!
If you are parents or a teacher, you see this more now.
Why is my child comparing so much?
Why is this student feeling so insecure?
Or Why is this child turned so competitive?
How does this show up psychologically?
Children or even adults show signs of going through this psychologically…
- Feeling lesser than the other
- Feeling insecure, unworthy, not good enough
- Lack of initiative
- Not ready to accept mistakes or failures
- Highly competitive, doing more than what is required.
- Perfectionism
- Can’t accept criticism and feedbacks
- Can’t sleep
- Social withdrawal….and much more.
We all feel these sometime or the other. Usually, it passes when we talk to someone or sleep through it. But, if you or your child is struggling to let go of these feelings, then help is recommended.
What can you do as a teacher or a parent?
If you find your child or student struggling with these feelings, then here are a few ways to help them.
I describe “Inferior” as “IN – FEAR – OVER” the other…To work with it, one needs to dive within. Children connect with their inner landscapes easily compared to adults.
- Talk about this feeling openly: Feeling Inferior is okay and everyone feels them sometime or the other. It comes and goes! This is the message you need to offer your child. But if it stays with them for long, then invite them to talk about it with you. Share your stories, experiences and how you feel about it now.
- Have them talk to a friend or a counsellor: Talking about the “Insides” can be difficult with a parent. If your child or student doesn’t feel comfortable talking with you, then encourage them to talk to a friend or a school counsellor. Just like the Beatles song goes: I get by with a little help from my friends! They feel inferior now, but it doesn’t mean they have to walk through this alone.
- Journal: This is therapeutic! Have them write down times when they compare themselves and things that sets them a part. Have them write down their exact feeling, in the manner they experience. Have them read through those feelings after a week or two. See if there is a difference in their feelings then.
Showing kindness to oneself, is a strength. Feeling Inferior is natural, we all need a friend/ colleague/ teacher to remind us about our strengths. The feeling of Inferiority goes away, only if we know to be present and kind with it!!!